The Gray Area

 

I was in my favorite store today, the esoteric shop where I buy all my “witchy” stuff as well as the henna I use for my hair. The owner is a high priestess and has Sabbat Ceremonies sometimes. I’ve been on one and I loved it, it felt like I was part of the family, even though I’m mostly solitary and didn’t believe everything that happened (when she was “possessed” by the Goddess and She talked through the shop owner, don’t remember what it’s called). A couple of days ago they celebrated Imbolc, and I didn’t join in. I’m a student and sometimes I can’t afford to spend 29 dollar/19 pounds on a ceremony although I dearly want to. Instead I did something small at home.

So imagine how I felt when I went in there and mentioned the ceremony and hoped they’d had a good time and that I was sad I wasn’t there, she replied with that I couldn’t be in the gray zone all the time. That threw me for a bit, I felt a little sad to be honest. Just because I didn’t join them for Imbolc doesn’t mean that I didn’t celebrate on my own (which was a short meditation, since I study about 200% at the moment). And that she said it infront of other customers made me feel even worse. Am I a bad witch/pagan just because I didn’t join them or because I can’t be as fully pledged into it as they are?

Being pagan is something I can’t give up, even if my life is stressful and I don’t have time to truly commit. And to be told I’m basically not as good as the others who go to the shop’s ceremonies hit med hard. Am I overreacting, did she have point?

What do you guys think?

Sincerely, a slightly sad and wondering Vaettr

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7 Comments

  1. Diandra said,

    February 19, 2012 at 11:47 am

    I’d say that is a really bad shop. Sorry you had such an experience. Witches and Pagans come in all kinds of flavor, and you are allowed (and strongly encouraged!) to find your own path and do exactly what feels right to you, without any other so-called witch or pagan being allowed to make you feel bad for that.

    (Next time you’re there, kick her from me. Or at least give her the evil eye.)

    (Okay, I’d better go there and do the “evil-witching” myself. ^^ )

    It is really tough to find a good community, but it’s better to practice on your own instead of hanging with a crowd like that.

    (Gosh, can you tell I am disgusted?)

    • Vaettr said,

      February 21, 2012 at 10:58 pm

      Yes, that’s why I was so shocked, and I love the shop and the people there, but this time it wasn’t and I actually haven’t been there since then.

      And yes, I can tell. XD Thank you. ^^

      And btw, because I’ve moved recently I lost your latest letter, but I’ll try to find it.. :S I really want to read it!

  2. jalizarose said,

    February 20, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    I am also solitary and don’t have a lot of time for celebrating with others. I think it is what you know in your heart. Be true to yourself. Sometimes I prefer to do rituals with my Cat and dogs! I suppose others wouldn’t agree, but it works for me. I have a beautiful alter in my yard. I like to plant myself on the earth and draw myself in. the animals surround me on their own.

    • Vaettr said,

      February 21, 2012 at 10:54 pm

      Yes, it’s what works for you that’s important, not what you show others. And I think it’s beautiful the animals get drawn to you like that!

  3. Månhäxan said,

    February 22, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    You don´t overreacting at all and she didn´t had a point…the only thing she pointed out was that she probably is more in to money than spiritism.
    We all have our own paths to walk and to judge someone elses path is really not ok, it only shows that she hasn´t come so very far on her own path of love and light för the humankínd.
    Blessed be!

    • Vaettr said,

      February 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

      Thank you for your words, it was rather hard to take since I really like her as a person, so I was more shocked than anything else when she said that..

  4. linalj said,

    August 13, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    It’s so sad to hear someone like that talk in that way. People like her are often role models and should think at least twice about what they say. It is up to each practitioner how they want to celebrate the sabbats. During my almost ten years as a wicca I have celebrated the sabbats whit others maybe ten times. Sometimes you want to celebrate whit others, other times you want to celebrate alone. There’s no right or wrong, especially if there is a fee for joining in a celebration.


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