The Gray Area

 

I was in my favorite store today, the esoteric shop where I buy all my “witchy” stuff as well as the henna I use for my hair. The owner is a high priestess and has Sabbat Ceremonies sometimes. I’ve been on one and I loved it, it felt like I was part of the family, even though I’m mostly solitary and didn’t believe everything that happened (when she was “possessed” by the Goddess and She talked through the shop owner, don’t remember what it’s called). A couple of days ago they celebrated Imbolc, and I didn’t join in. I’m a student and sometimes I can’t afford to spend 29 dollar/19 pounds on a ceremony although I dearly want to. Instead I did something small at home.

So imagine how I felt when I went in there and mentioned the ceremony and hoped they’d had a good time and that I was sad I wasn’t there, she replied with that I couldn’t be in the gray zone all the time. That threw me for a bit, I felt a little sad to be honest. Just because I didn’t join them for Imbolc doesn’t mean that I didn’t celebrate on my own (which was a short meditation, since I study about 200% at the moment). And that she said it infront of other customers made me feel even worse. Am I a bad witch/pagan just because I didn’t join them or because I can’t be as fully pledged into it as they are?

Being pagan is something I can’t give up, even if my life is stressful and I don’t have time to truly commit. And to be told I’m basically not as good as the others who go to the shop’s ceremonies hit med hard. Am I overreacting, did she have point?

What do you guys think?

Sincerely, a slightly sad and wondering Vaettr